im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize