Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
