i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
