when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
