I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
