last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
