i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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