There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
