Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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