i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
