i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
