does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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