On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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