fuck your aforementioned shoe
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
