im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
