I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
