I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
