Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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