I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry about my life...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
