My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
