nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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