This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we have pet lesbian snakes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
