And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
