I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
