Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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