you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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