Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize