He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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