im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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