Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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