please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
