I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize