my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
