No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
