i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
