I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize