***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
