I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize