i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
