So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
