why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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