im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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