My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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