Where did you get a picture of my penis
please come you make the beer taste better
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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