you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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