He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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