What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
