you guys were way drunker than both of me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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