Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
