im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
