The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
