I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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