I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
