Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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