I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
