this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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