you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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