i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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