grandma shit on top of the toilet
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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