We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
