he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
