He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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