She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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